My Mid-Life Crisis: In Search of What was Off
I went through my own “mid-life” crisis in my mid-30s.
I was working hard and I was being recognised for my work at my previous workplace. My life was fairly comfortable: I was well-compensated and I had enough vacation days to indulge in my passion for travelling; I got along well with my colleagues, and I maintained nourishing friendships with several buddies I’ve known since I was a teenager. I was learning new things and able to engage in a diverse range of activities with like-minded people.
But deep down, something was off. In hindsight, it was existential anxiety.
It was hard to “complain” about what I felt, because people saw me as fairly successful at that stage of my life.
I thought often about whether there was more to life than doing what I was doing.
How I faced my existential anxiety
I had to dig deep and went frequently on my own introspective journeys, reviewing my life in my head.
I thought deeply about how I was showing up versus who I truly was. I also reflected on what I valued and how I was living those values.
I played my own devil’s advocate and I questioned myself relentlessly.
Clarity was what I needed, and clarity was what I sought.
First was a personally challenging thing: I had to let my illusion of a successful career go. I call it an illusion because it was an idea that was “sold” to me. It was an idea held by society. It was something I subscribed to for the most part of my life up till my 30s.
After reflections, I understood that it was no longer aligned with my personal values. I couldn’t unsee it. To add, the fact that I can identify this now is clarity gained in hindsight: I received therapy later on and did further reflections.
I eventually made a difficult decision to leave my cushy job. I devised my own plan and timeline. I was terrified but I knew I had to do it. Having gained enough clarity helped me identify my purpose – the “why” I had to do it.
I was also sufficiently optimistic and held faith that things would turn out okay.
In any case, I saw my 4-year plan to fruition with gusto and devotion, but it was also agonising and stressful: hits and misses and mess and chaos. And grief. (You can read more about my Journey and Recovery from Burnout in my older blog post.)
I set up my own private practice and I live a simpler and more ordinary life. I am more attuned to what are most important to my life and the resources I expend are focused on these fewer essentials. I have lesser but I am more content and fulfilled.
I did it on my own without consulting anyone, and it was sincerely a lonesome journey.
I only realised that I didn’t have to do it alone after I started proper therapy during the Covid Pandemic in 2020.
Receiving Therapy for Existential Issues and Support: Identity-Formation
In 2020, we were going through a global crisis. I volunteered my online therapy skills to our local non-profit in Singapore, Association of Women for Action and Research (AWARE). I provided counselling as a volunteer counsellor to survivors of sexual assault through the Sexual Assault Care Centre at AWARE.
It was stressful times and we were navigating unprecedented circumstances. I knew I had to get support for myself, and my own mental health to be able to show up well for my clients. It was for professional accountability and also walking the talk.
I didn’t have anything particular to address when I first consulted with my therapist but I was drawn to her work and her style.
She provided a safe space and she listened actively and expressed much compassion. Her non-judgemental stance (even though I know that we share different cultural backgrounds and religious beliefs) allowed us to explore what it meant to be me.
We spoke about the various influences of my life and my aspirations.
Through that, we were able to uncover what activates me and what energises me. It was a pleasant surprise, and continues to be. I enjoy therapy as a mode of self-discovery that complements my own drive for deep introspection. It is humbling yet energising to be able to discover more about myself for a person who takes pride in being “self-aware”.
I also used the therapy sessions to talk about my personal relationships: with my partner, my family and my friends.
In understanding my relationships, I could understand and formulate a deeper sense of my own identity: a more relevant one as I express gratitude for my childhood and youth and I express my desires for a meaningful life till my death.
I have clarity on what I stand for and live for, and that stance has been an empowering one for me.
I have tended to be the unconventional one in my circle and my community and in cultivating a clearer idea of who I am, I have found myself bravely showing up even more authentically in my community.
My therapist has, through her empathy and excellent questions, facilitated a greater understanding of who I am and guided me on my continuous journey of mental and emotional wellness.
Even if my sessions are only once a month, I have found the support helpful in navigating life’s little or big challenges through a deepened connection with myself. I get to apply the insights I gained outside of my therapy session. Putting insight into practice is what brings about desired changes. This, I knew I could only do on my own.
In 2015, I did my self-reflections and planned for change, on my own in my head. Now in 2026, being a little older and hopefully a little wiser with lived experiences, I can say that being able to talk things out with my therapist has made my ongoing journey less chaotic and more intentional. Receiving therapy has helped me learn to seek support and meet my needs in a more relational way, rather than striving to do everything alone.
My Offering of Therapy for Existential Issues: Life, Identity, Death
Other than helping us tide over challenging times, therapy can also be a useful resource as we respectively embark on our personal journeys of self-discovery and identity formation.
Like how Dr James Hollis summed it up well on the interview with Dr Andrew Huberman’s podcast , after we have learnt to meet and have met the expectations and the demands of our environment in the form of striving to address “what does the world want from me”, we may move on to answer the real question around “what does the soul want of me and what is it that is wishing expression in the world through me?”
Many people commence therapy seeking support for issues around reality-based demands in their respective lives: the stressors of work life, the challenges of various relationships, burnout. Our struggles actually offer clues to our deeper yearnings and longings; they are data on what are aligned and what are off for us.
Some may choose to accept the invitation and opportunity to understand themselves more deeply. They stay to answer questions around their identity, their values, their purpose, and to acquaint and connect with that version of who they truly are and want to become, within their community.
These opportunities to get to know ourselves better goes beyond the projections of what people around us think we are. In other words, we can further refine the provision sense of who are we, who we have been functioning as, in service of our roles in our communities. We can to deepen our self-identity that gives us greater meaning or feels more true to us.
Answering the real question of our existence requires openness, curiosity and also death expectation to be able to see our choice in living our lives more fully, deeply and vividly.
Self-awareness would be a great resource but it could also be a barrier sometimes.
I think that consulting with a therapist could reveal blind spots or different perspectives. We may even discover the kind of attachment we have, to certain versions of ourselves that may no longer be relevant or may no longer serve us. Therapy can offer a clear mirror for us to look at ourselves through it non-judgemental stance. This has happened in my own therapy and in the work that I do with my clients.
Meeting ourselves deeply to address what is the wishing expression of the world through us is an important step to further differentiate and becoming who we are. It is a journey where we realise our uniqueness and we live and serve honouring our essence.
If you are willing to journey with a therapist to answer life’s deeper questions, reach out and book a non-obligatory 30min free consultation to see if I could be the person to walk alongside you.